A Family of Five and Other Big Stuff

Let me tell you, these last few months have been a whirlwind of surprises, questions, and excitement.

First, we will start with the big celebration. On February 26th, after 1106 days of waiting and wondering if it would ever happen, we added a son to the ranks. This little boy walked into our hearts on February 18, 2011 and we knew life would never be the same.
At one point, ok maybe more than one point, we didn't think he would be staying. His journey in foster care was quite a doozie. But we feel that he is right where he belongs and he will tell you the same. Our son's name is Clayton and he is just the sweetest little man around!

A month before CJ's adoption I answered the phone and it was G's case worker. She dropped a bombshell. G's birthmom had another baby and she wanted to know if we would be interested in taking placement. So enter into the picture Baby K. He is now 2 months old and ah-dorable! Oh my! We still don't know what will happen with him, but are open to whatever comes.

A few days after we picked up Baby K I got another phone call. This time it was from our attorney. She totally shocked me by letting me know that G was now legally free for adoption. We knew this was coming, but weren't expecting it to come this way or this quickly. Now we have started the adoption process for our cute little Meatball G. I can't wait for him to be official so I can share his cuteness.

So this is 3 boys in our home. Which means the girls are outnumbered, so to even the count we are back on the list for a little girl.

We are also making a decision about where we are going to live - either here or back in our home state. And doing the house hunt thing. Life is needless to say BUSY!

I promise to share pictures soon.

We have DAUGHTERS

That's right folks, we are no longer an only child family. Ok, so make that officially an only child family, since Heaven knows we always have a packed house.
But today we made it official! Anaya Brooke has joined the ranks! I am so blessed by this sweet little girl.

Over 2 years ago, on Nov. 7th my phone rang. I was asked if we would take a pre-adoptive placement of a 6 week old little girl. Without knowing anything else, but the stirring in my heart, I quickly said "YES!". I know, might have asked the husband first, but I didn't. I just KNEW this little girl needed us.

I drove to DCS with my side-kick and out came 2 case workers with this TINY little bean.

 

 

That was it. That is all it took folks... I knew she stole a piece of my heart right then and there. And I'm pretty sure big sister was all in from that first moment too. There is just something extra special about my girl. She has this spark.
About a year ago we met the family that she lived with when she first came into care. They said she was a screamer and really difficult. We were in shock. I'm telling you. This is a baby that just was always happy. In fact we had her hearing checked because nothing bothered her. She just chilled. I guess she just needed to find her forever.

Anaya has some special challenges, but she takes it all in stride and has AMAZING drive to surpass all expectations. I swear she inspires me ALL. THE. TIME.



 

 

So here we are just over 2 years later and she is MINE! She is OURS! How am I this blessed???



Growing Family

We have been on this ride for such a very long time. It's been 10 years since we decided to grow our family through adoption. The Pookster is 9 now and we are so blessed by her wild and crazy spunk. She has healed so many holes in our lives. And now...

TWO more are officially joining the ranks. Miss Pickle was the first to get the green light for adoption. Then last week our silly Bug who has been with us for 30 months of waiting and trusting was moved to the adoption track as well. We are now in the more paperwork and waiting for a court date to finalize their adoptions. This is the home stretch!

We also have Meatball. He is in the rounding 3rd category. We have a court date in about 7 weeks to change his goal to adoption.

I can't say our family is done growing, but I can say my heart is full. My arms are overflowing. And I can't wait until I can say officially that I am their forever.

So this is a sneak peek at my sweet little family. Faces have to wait.

My Beautiful Girl

 

Bad, Bad Blogger!!

I can't believe it's been so long since I have updated my little blog. Well, I guess if you took a look at my calendar you might believe it.

Lots of changes and growth in our home to report.

In October we added a new long term foster baby to the mix. The Meatball was 3 weeks old when he arrived. He is now a incredibly chunky 5 month old with the best giggle ever. I'm just a little taken with him.
In December we brought J into the mix. He's a ginormous 7 month old who crawls everywhere and gets into things he shouldn't.

But those are just little blips of an update the big news is that our family is growing! We are adding our sweet little NyNy and our handsome Mr.C to our forever. It's so very surreal!
It's been a long time coming and there are still a few little hurdles to jump before our finalization date, but we are on the right track. I feel like I can breathe a little.
I can't begin to describe the emotion of their impending adoptions. I have loved these little people for years now. We have waited and prayed for an addition to our family for as long now as we waited for Avery. I find myself just brought to tears daily by the awesomeness of this gift I'm being given.

And since I mentioned Miss Avery. She is just as amazing as ever. We finally got her back into gymnastics and she is progressing really quickly. She did her back walkover today without a spot and her backhandspring is coming along.
School is going pretty well. She still would rather do all art, but we are finding our way through.

I can't wait until I can share pictures of all my sweeties. But that will have to wait a little longer.

September in My Sights

July is coming to a close and I find myself wishing we could just skip August altogether. Never thought I'd wish for that being the summer loving type. But this summer hasn't quite met my expectations. There have been some great moments, but mainly I have too many babies to go to the pool without help, it's been as hot as Hades, and aside from a 5 minute downpour last week there hasn't been a speck of rain.
So in September we have great things to look forward to. First, our little guy "I" who has been here the last couple months will be gone. I know that shouldn't be something to look forward to, but he is a diffucult boy and limits what we can do, because of his reactions.
Second is VACATION!! I seriously can't wait! This is the family vacation I've been waiting for since we had kids. We are heading to the Outer Banks in NC. We got this fabulous house just off the beach and we plan to have a lot of fun just relaxing, splashing in the waves, and even squeezing in a date night or 2!
And then after we get back... school starts. I'm actually excited about it. We are going a totally new route with homeschooling and I think it will be exactly what Avery needs to get excited about learning. So here's to not burning out and loving school even after October! (fingers crossed)

As for my babies. Well, we are still waiting. There will be a lot of court appointments over the next month or two. It is going to make our forever picture a lot clearer. Some things are still up in the air. With A it's pretty certain she will be a Stevens by 2013. We just really are going through the motions, and praying no one comes forward who would trump our adoption of her. And C, well that is still a big question mark that we are hoping will be answered sooner than later.

We are taking a little break after I leaves. Our hope is to focus on the 3 kids we have now and come down from the whirlwind of the revolving door of kids. We will get back to fostering once we are home from vacation and have our first week of school wrapped up. And I'm sure by then I will be more than excited to see who needs us next!

Beyond the Highlights

Ok, so now that I got the Clif Note version out of the way and you all know how intense the last few months have been I can dive into the good stuff.
Let me tell you, aside from the luggage that comes along with fostering, life is GOOD! I feel like Im in this euphoric place of the bliss I've been chasing for so many years. We don't live in forever land right now, we haven't reached that point, but for today I'm the mommy that they look to and the one they chase from room to room for just one little hug onto my legs. THIS is the life! I look into each one of their faces and my heart swells like the Grinch after he saves Christmas.
So I'm going to take a few minutes and brag on my kids.
I'll start with Avery. On June 4th she turned EIGHT! I just really don't know how she grew up, but she keeps doing it. She is the best big sister. She's incredibly helpful and compassionate. We still have our moments of meltdown, but even those are more manageable and she is using her toolbox to make better choices. She is a dream! Beautiful, smart, creative, artistic, and I am so proud of the person she is becoming.
Then there is C - from the day he entered our home 15 months ago he was just the most laid back and sweet little baby. Although he is testing the waters of toddler terror and dare devil, he is still that sweet and laid back boy. Not so much baby anymore. His smile lights a room and he loves to cuddle! There isn't much that he wont try, but he is quick to listen when I say stop. That is a breath of fresh air! He is looking more like a little boy and less like a baby all the time. He's running and climbing, dancing, and talking up a storm. He adores the babies and is in awe of Avery. He loves going to the zoo and playing in the pool. C is such a blessing. I am grateful that he is in my life!
And baby A - PURE JOY! She is just the happiest little girl around. Her smile is a ear to ear silly girl, giggly grin. I love it! She has some definite limitations, but she is so determined and focused that she amazes me every day. I've seen her overcome huge obstacles and work really hard with that sweet grin on her face the whole time. She is crawling and starting to babble. She says mama, dada, hi, and signs yes. She loves yogurt and gargling her bottles. She has 4 teeth now and her hair is really coming in. There is a little chub on her legs. And she claps her hands for everything from diaper changes to getting a bottle. Did I mention she is pure joy! I love her to the moon!
We also have little I - he is one to keeps me on my toes. Right now he can't do much and he gets frustrated with that. He would love nothing more than to keep up with the other babies. I'm sure it won't be long before he is. Although I think he will be going home around the time that happens. He is smiley and playful. And a total TANK! Honestly, I'm working my muscles with that kiddo.

So that is my brag! I adore my kids. I love my life! And couldn't be happier that it is summer and we get to spend time doing some fun stuff and just hanging out together!

One Big Update... The Highlight Reel

OK, so lots has happened since I posted last. So hang onto your laptops, this will be a whirlwind of an update.

First, we moved into our new house at the end of April. We are loving the new space. Of course with the revolving door of kids we've had lately I'm already dreaming of our dream house we are wanting to build. Rooms, rooms, rooms! Never enough around here!

So about all of those kids. We have been really busy around here. The weekend after we moved in we had a newborn who left after 3 days. A few days later we did respite for another foster family. The day she left we got a call for twin girls that stayed for a couple weeks. When the twins went home we got our little "I" who will probably be here through the summer. He is a 9 month old sumo baby. And totally adorable. On Memorial Day we got another newborn who was here only overnight. Then 2 brothers came for almost a week.

In all of that time C has some pretty serious stuff happen in his case. At one point it looked like he might be moved to another home, but thankfully the judge saw how tough that would be for him and he stayed. Right now things are really up in the air and we aren't sure what direction his case will take.
Then there is baby A. Her case has also taken a huge turn. It seems like her mother is wanting to sign consent to adopt. Im trying to not get my hopes up. And I feel really bad for her mom who feels like she can't  give A what she needs. Like everything else in foster care we just have to see where this road takes us.

Moving On and Moving Out

This week I had to say goodbye to the first and so far only baby I've ever got to bring home from the hospital. It was emotional to say the least. I know she is in a great place and I know she will be loved beyond measure, but why not me? Yes it was our choice to not be her forever family, but really it was God's choice. I keep wondering why we've been at this foster care thing, just hoping to adopt, yet no one "sticks". And here the one kid who was a guaranteed as guaranteed can be with foster care wasn't "the one". God what do you have planned? I'd love to know. I honestly know it's going to be perfect and exactly what I need, but I'm beginning to tap my foot with impatience. Lord, help me wait on You!!

I guess in the great scheme of things it's good that she moved when she did. We've decided our little rental is too small for our ever fluctuating brood, and we've found a new place. Albeit another temporary place... (until we BUILD!! or find house perfection) So now I am starting to pack and plan with only 3 kids in tow. Not too bad. Last time around I had 4 and a MIA hubby who had already come to the land of the cornfields for work.
New house means shopping and decorating, so that makes me happy. I might be posting lots of pictures soon for house ideas. So be prepared!

Some Things I'll Never Understand

This past month has been just plain unpredictable and chaotic. We've had some great moments, but I have to say seeing January pass by leaves me relieved and ready for a new day!

Ryan and I both had birthdays and for the first time in a long time we got a night out with NO KIDS! It was nice, strange, but nice! I think we need to do that more.

My big girl had a hard time this month. Living away from family really takes a toll on her. Christmas and spending a few days with family brought up all those sad/mad feelings and it took a few weeks to get her in check. I so wish I could make things better for her on many levels, but she has to want to let go of her anger and to be honest, she just doesn't want to. Breaks my mommy heart!

We still have our 3 little people. Same ones... can you believe it? Lots of changes happening there. we've had visits with bios, no visits, back to visits, 1 with visits - 2 without, and now we are close to no visits. It will definately lighten my load, but I find myself getting frustrated at the lack of effort some parents are making to see or regain custody of their child. I will NEVER understand not choosing to jump through whatever hoop is put before me or not taking every opportunity to spend even a second holding my child. I try my best to empathize. They are coming from a very different place - one that seems hopeless. And sometimes so caught up in other things that they don't even see the skewed priorities, so I don't judge, but I also can't truly understand.
Less visits has lightened the load and that is a good thing, because we are now adding 3 therapy appointments to the week. OT and PT are on the roster for some of our little bits. And we some important doctors appointments coming up that I'd appreciate prayers for.
We are also praying about what happens if these kids don't get to go back to their parents. Lots to consider and we really are needing things to move in just the right way. Sorry for the cryptic-ness, but some things you know I just can't share.

Last weekend we had a nice weekend away - minus 2 babies who had a great time with friends. We joined another family and had some fun at the Great Wolf Lodge. It's been awhile since we'd been there. This time Pooka Girlie was able to ride anything she wanted. She had a blast! So did the rest of us, even though Ryan says he's old now and couldn't ride the slides because of his back. He got toddler duty!

The big thing on our horizon is our house hunt. With 4 kids (and possibly getting ready to open up for another... shhh!) we are quickly running out of space. I swear I feel like I am drowning in laundry and I do it EVERY day. We need space to spread out and not trip over baby gear and toddler toys. Not to mention homeschooling materials and Littlest Pet Shop. My organizational freak side want to purge it all or buy stock in Rubbermaid and box it all up, but it's all "needed" stuff, so I fight the urge and say let's MOVE!

No Room at the Inn

Well technically there is room, but with the crew we have now I am presonally at capacity. At least until we have a schedule and some organization going on here.

After Thanksgiving we came off our short little hold and within hours were placed with another kiddo. He went home in just a few days and we were back to our 2 girls, the Pookster and a little bitty we will call Ladybug.
December kicked off with a call for another baby, a newborn that I needed to pick up from the hospital. Who can say no to that? Not me! See, I've never done that before. Ladybug at 7 weeks was the youngest we'd parented. So as a girl who has lived with infertility and let those dreams die a long time ago I was like a kid in a candy store. It was a dream come true.
We (ok, I, because my other half was on kid duty) picked TeenyBean up a couple days later when she was discharged. I'd never been so nervous. The name Teeny is not for no good reason - she is TINY! I was so afraid that she'd stop breathing or something in that carseat in the back of my SUV. It was the longest 20 minute drive of my life. But I did it, I got to be the one to bring a little one to the first home they'll know. It was awesome!

So if you are keeping count we now have 3 girls. Current ages are 4 weeks, 3 months, and 7 years. And let's not forget our 1 yr. old boy who is here more than not and rounds things out to make the total 4 kids and 2 parents. We are seriously out numbered and only 1 kid is walking. Makes outings really interesting and oh the comments I get. Some would leave you on the floor in laughter.

My girl is in heaven! She now has TWO life size dolls to dress up and play with. They are HER babies. My guy thinks they are fun too. He tries to climb in the swing with them or under the play gym and bat toys at their heads. Good times! The husband is learning that it's not so scary to hold a 5 lb. baby and no he won't break her. And now that there is no... gasp, umbilical cord... he will even help change all the babies diapers.
Me, I am holding up. Sleep deprivation has reached a whole new level. I have 2 that sometimes sleep through the night, but not 1 does it consistantly. There are however no bags under my eyes yet, this I know for sure - a random woman at an appointment checked and told me so. (rolling my bagless eyes) I wash about 17 bottles a day and change double that amount of diapers. It now takes me 4 trips to load the car. And 2 strollers or some other odd configuration of apparatus to go anywhere. But I'm doing it. Ain't nothing gonna break my stride! Nobody gonna slow me down, oh no! I got to keep on moving... come on you know you wanna sing with me. ;)

So there you have it. The reason why I've so terribly neglected my blog. The reason for more grey hairs on the top of my head and no time to have them colored. And unless I lose all reason and decide I can take on another or two, this house is full. My baby tank is all filled up! Let's be serious here it's overflowing!

Until my next "free" moment... (that I don't want to spend in a sleep coma)

Lifetime Movie or My Life

Lately I've found it hard to look at my life and not wonder... how? why? when? Is this really my life. Well it is. All the drama filled craziness that the kids who join my home have or are experiencing in their family somehow becomes part of what I live.
If only I could share the stories and experiences that I witness on an ongoing basis. Well, some of it would make you shudder. It sure does me! But, thankfully within all of that crazy there is hope.
Jeremiah 29:11 to paraphrase says, that the Lord already has plans for us. Ones not of harm, but of hope and a future. I cling to this verse and pray that the introduction to the Lord that kids recieve in our home will stick with them and they might experience that bright future. If not here on earth, then in eternity with Christ.

Yes, things here have been interesting to say the least these past few weeks. We said goodbye to the brothers. Hello to Diva Baby. And then had some temporary visitors share a few days with us. Our home has been full and we feel blessed by each one.

We had the opportunity to celebrate Thanksgiving with our families and it was a great time. I think we've found a new Black Friday tradition. I might have to give up my shopping day for this one, but it's worth it.
Now we are gearing up for Christmas and with the late start I'm getting this year I am going to be doing most of my shopping online. Thank God for Fed Ex and the internet!

I hope that each of you have an amazing holiday season. Hug your families tight and soak in each moment. I know that is what I plan to do this year!

Disruption

I've been thinking alot about this word lately. In the adoption and foster care world this word has significant meaning and serious ramifications.

I found this definition of disruption:

1. To throw into confusion or disorder
2. To interrupt or impede the progress, movement, or procedure of...
3. To break or burst; rupture.

The first definition is what I have been dealing with lately. The day after Mystery Boy left we were joined by 2 brothers. Since that moment our home has been thrown into a state of confusion and disorder. Not in the physical sense, although there has been some of that, but we are in emotional disorder. We are dealing with one child who is confused and unable to understand his situation and is extremely angry as a result. That anger then translates to those arround and we have complete chaos.
The second definition is the cause of the disorder. There have been too many instances when the interruption and forward movement of this child's development and forming attachments has been impeded.
The third, well that is what we are experiencing now. We had to make the decision to break the relationship and have the kids moved to another home where their needs could be better met. In some ways I feel like I have failed them. But had we not made this decision we would have failed the child we have committed to for life. Her needs had to be our number one priority. Because of the experiences that have shaped her, she isn't yet able to handle the particular issues we are dealing with.
So yet again, a child who is craving love and stability on one hand and fighting it with every ounce of their being on the other, because it is so foreign to them, will find themselves in another new home with new people to try to reach his heart and heal the brokenness.

I've really struggled with this decision, because we knew that making it would be adding to the damage in a child's life. I'm sure some people will think we are just horrible, and believe me when I say that we feel horrible. But we do have peace that this is the right thing for Avery. And we will continue to pray that the right home will be found and this will also be the right thing for these boys as well.
This is something we never fathomed that we would do as foster parents. We are open to nearly all behaviors and have experienced many of them in the past. I think for awhile we are going to be very cautious about the children we accept. There needs to be some healing time for Avery, since she was very affected by what we are dealing with right now.

For today we are going to try and focus on the positive and enjoy any good moments that remain with these 2 little boys.

But disruption... disruption hurts, disruption scars, disruption I hope will heal!

Finding My Feet

I'm feeling a little bit like a fish out of water. I'm really missing having a baby in the house. We currently only have our Super Diva and the mystery boy from a couple weeks ago. Both of whom are fairly capable kids and don't need me for much. It is strange and I am struggling.
We saw Baby C just over a week ago. It was so good to just cuddle him and let him know we are still here and love him to pieces. It was also god to see him forming stronger bonds with his mom. Overall it gave me the opportunity to breathe and not be so constantly worried about him. Since seeing him, I've missed him more and more each day. I honestly don't know if I'd be strong enough to see him today. Maybe tomorrow, but today, my heart just feels broken.

Mystery boy will likely be leaving tomorrow. Although we've had another call and are technically waiting on another placement, we just aren't sure they are coming for reasons I can't really share. We've been on hold for almost 2 weeks and tomorrow when we fid out mystery boy's status we will be opening up for placements again. I am ready, but I feel the need to be a little more cautious about who I say yes too. To say it has been a challenge would be an understatement. Some personalities just don't mix and I find it hard to communicate with this little guy.

I'm pretty sure we will get a call quickly, but I am looking forward to the possibility of a few days with just me and my girl. Yeah the husband too... but he will be working, so you know what I mean.
But oh wait, it might just be a day, because we are doing respite for a friend. So yeah, my life is kinda crazy. But would I really change it? Nope, not on your life!

The Unexpected

So last week, our sweet little Baby C left us. Tuesday was an incredibly difficult day. I think given the circumstances we all weathered the storm with strength and even a little grace. Yes, we did have our fall apart at the seams moments (and still do at times), but we sucked it up and did what we had to do. It helps that we've had a couple little updates and he seems to be doing well.

We decided to take a little time for ourselves. Avery and I spent the week doing some fun things with friends. A trip to the museum, Chick-fil-a play place and lunch, and even the zoo. Activity kept our minds on brighter things. Like celebrating 6 years of being a family!!

On Saturday we planned to go overnight to an indoor waterpark, but when we woke up no one but me wanted to go. Wah, wah, wah! Oh well, Plan B was implemented and we took off to a small artists town for some shopping and fall fun.
At the end of the day we decided to complete our trip with a carriage ride through town. When it was over Super Diva refused to feed the horse and insisted Mommy should do it... um, whoops. I forgot that I am allergic to horses. Needless to say the more than hour drive home was filled with sneezing, itchy eyes, and hives covering my entire face. Not my finest moment.
We got home and I attempted to drown myself in Benadryl. Once things calmed down I thought I could relax, so in went a movie and... RING, RING.

Who would be calling at 10 p.m. on a Saturday night, but the county, trying to place not 1, but 2 seperate kids. What was I thinking? I said yes to both. So back up to get dressed, out to the car, to load up carseats, and away I went. During the drive I talked Ryan through going through the clothes bins and putting sheets on a crib. That was an interesting phone conversation.
I arrived home a little after 11 with 2 new little people. One was sound asleep and I just put her straight to bed. The other, well he seems to be nocturnal and doesn't like ot sleep at night. I finally convinced him to lay his head on the pillow and let him fall asleep with lights and TV and all the other no,no's in the house. I made it to bed at 1:30 in the morning. He woke hourly to yell for me, but doesn't call me by my name, rather "missy".

Both kids aren't likely to be around long. In fact girly went home after 40 hours. But this is the life of emergency calls. Adrenaline rush and sleep deprivation!

So much for a little break and family time. I hope 1 day was enough!

And The Beat Goes On

This is a post that I've been struggling over for the last couple days. Honestly I could barely say the words, so I certainly didn't want to see them glaring back at me in 14 inch font.

You see, the hard part of fostering, the part that everyone questions and swears they could never do is what I am facing right now. It's the letting go. Not after a few days, which I did yesterday by the way, but after months and months of loving a child and pouring your everything into them.
Tonight will be the first night in over 7 months that little man will not be sleeping under the same roof as me. I won't need to go check on him and make sure he's breathing. The truth is I'll probably still wake up to do these things, but I won't need to. Today he gets his first real glimpse of what will soon be his new life. And I will try to prepare myself for what will once again be a close to empty house, but not too much because it can change in an instant with one phone call.

Next week, unless the judge does not support the recommendation of DCS and others (yeah, right!) I will say goodbye to my sweet little boy whose tears I've wiped, boo boo's I've kissed, and who knows me as mom for over 7 of his 10 months of life. I will no longer be the "mama" that answers when he calls. There really isn't a good way to prepare for that, but I have to try.

So while a piece of my heart will be ripped out and go with him, I have to press on. Because like it or not, it's happening. It's the choice I made when I answered the call to open my home and my heart to these kids. Kids who may only need me for a season will have my heart forever.
Yes, it's hard, it hurts and there are days, like today when I wonder if it's worth it. But one look into the face of these sweet babies (and big kids too) and all doubt washes away.

So we move on, with hearts a little more fragile than before. Still beating, still open and waiting to love the next little one that looks into your heart with all the fear and confusion that consumes their face. And together we will work to heal the broken pieces.

3 + 3 = 0

No, this is not my home educator skills falling apart at the seams. This is the equation of my last few weeks.
You see in 3 weeks we've had 3 calls for possible placements, that have resulted in ZERO children.
Week 1 - call for newborn. An hour later said newborn was placed with family that came forward. I am totally cool with that. Would have loved to find out in that hour and not the next day after I bought baby clothes and such, but hey, such is the life of a foster parent.
Week 2 - call for 2 possible kiddos. Set to arrive late the following week. Waiting, waiting, and more waiting. That following week... court continued. More waiting.
Week 3 - call for 6 month old. Said yes right away and started packing diaper bag while waiting on the case worker to call back. But wait we are going out of town in an hour... no problem one of us will stay home. Case worker tried, but supervisor said to place elsewhere and not inconvenience us. Ok, I can live with that, but seriously would have jumped through hoops for a kiddo that needed some lovin'.
Week 4 - Back to the kids from week 2 and that continued court hearing. Heard absolutely nothing. Guess they don't need us.

So this is just a picture of the whirlwind that we live every day. Being ready at a moments notice. Moving beds, rearranging rooms, clothing on hand for any kid in every size. And most of all waiting. I really don't like waiting. I'm a doer. When I see a problem, and believe me I hear and see it on the news every day, I want to jump in up to my elbows and get dirty.

Right now I still have Baby Bubba, as Ryan so affectionately calls him, here to keep my focus. And believe me there is plenty there to keep me on my toes.

Avery of course is full tilt into new school year chaos mode. That is enough to send me to a padded room.

Things are leveling out though and I think we are ready for more chaos in our world. We just aren't quite sure what to do without it.

The Highs and Lows

Since Ryan and I started trying to build our family all too long ago it has been a series of highs and lows. It seems this phase of life is no exception. Foster care seems to be the pinnacle of the emotional rollercoaster.
In the last few months we've had the possible arrival of 2 children that didn't come. We've said goodbye to a little one whom we had in our home for over 5 months. And now we have yet another possibility of 2 more children's arrival in the coming week.
It's a lot to process. As an adult I often get caught up in the emotion. For my child, well it can be rough. Really rough.
This past week one of our former foster kiddos celebrated a birthday. She was at the forefront of our minds and she along with her siblings have been the topic of our conversations a lot this week. It's hard to miss them. It's hard to know your place once they move on. To stay involved and yet not overstep. To let them heal with their new family, but to let them know they still hold a place in your heart. Tricky stuff.
So this week we wait, we prepare, we pray, and we hope for what might be. In the next breath we mourn the loss, we grieve for the hurt and pain that brings children to our home, and we pray that we will be equipped to handle it all.

2nd Grade is F-U-N

A lot has happened over the last couple weeks. J went home to his mom. C's case has been all over the map and back again (don't ask what's going on cuz even I don't have a clue how this one will end), we got a call for a newborn who didn't end up coming and in the midst of it all... my girl became an official 2nd grader.

We always start official school the Tuesday after Labor Day, but yesterday as I was finalizing some lesson plans Miss A asked if she could "please, please start school now". So being the flexible home educator that I am (note intended sarcasm by totally rigid over-planner) how could I not answer the request.
So yes, today we began our new school year. I have made a promise to myself to make this year more engaging and creative. This does not come naturally to me in an educational setting or at least not one where I am responsible to see that she is up to snuff with her peers and meeting required milestones. Ahh the pressure! Albeit self induced pressure. But yes, I have devised a plan... and it's FUN! She didn't complain one single second of school today. In fast she completed more subjects than I had on schedule and even requested to take her Russian lesson in the car. Could it be that I have found the key? Or maybe I'm kidding myself and this is just first day excitement. Either way I am going to bask in the glory of one fabulous day and milk it for everything I can.
We are doing some fun geography this year. Every 2 weeks we are immersing ourselves in a different country. From cuisine, historical leaders and fashion trends to map skills and govornmental structure. I'm so excited.
Every Monday we are kicking off the week with a science experiment and she's learning about the body and will have to draw a picture of herself with properly placed internal organs by the end of the year.
Phonics, Math, Handwriting and Spelling still not that fun. But I've finally found a plan to assist her creative writing skills and that excites me. It terrifies her, but I'm excited and that's what really matters, right??
Who'da thunk it? I'd actually enjoy homeschooling. But I really think this year might be a winner!

MIA No More

It's been ages since I've blogged. The summer seems to always bring such business that I can rarely keep up. This year it was no exception, but for far less exciting reasons. Yes, we had our Disney vacation, but following that our little foster kids visits began increasing and took up most of our time.
One of our little guys is home now. I'm so happy for him and his mom. The other will likely not be far behind. And yes, we are waiting to see who will next enter our home and hearts.

Not much is new in our little corner of the Midwest. Avery will be entering 2nd grade this fall. I'm still homeschooling her, so that will keep me busy. This year she is more excited about school and I am determined to be more creative in my teaching style to keep her excited. Lots of fun things planned already, so stay tuned!
Ryan is still working like it's his job, oh wait... it is. And missing his friends back in Ohio.

Me, well there isn't much to say. I am knee deep in diapers, drool and drama with the kiddos. But if you know me I wouldn't have it any other way.

I guess the best way to update you on some of our summer fun is with pictures, so here goes...