Gotcha!

In honor of our 4th year as a family. Here's my shining star.

How One Phone Call Can Change Your Life

Let me take you back in time. Four years ago to be exact. Lots of turmoil in the world - hurricane Katrina damage was still fresh and hurricane Rita was approaching.
It had been 4 1/2 months since we met our little Innushka and I was on the verge of giving up hope that we'd be a family soon. We had gotten a referral for our sweet girl nearly a year earlier, Sept. 28, 2004 and my heart was set on getting a court date before we hit that 1 year mark.
Imagine my suprise when I got the call that court would be the 27th.
I had FOUR DAYS, to pack (ok, you all know me I was mostly packed already), get last minute baby items, gifts, and make arrangements for VISAs, flights, hotels, and transportation.
This was really it, the home stretch. We were finally here. I can't tell you how many times I had to remind myself to breathe over the next few days. It was a total whirlwind. Changing flights and re-routing us a million times in order to avoid the hurricane's path.
So the day finally came. We were ready! Only 31 hours until we'd land in Khabarovsk. We took off from Cincinnati and landed in NYC for a 6 hour layover. Then flew to Moscow and went straight to the airport, where we waited another 7 hours for our flight. In line for our flight we were standing by another couple who, due to the giveaway empty car seat we knew was adopting also. We introduced ourselves and thus began the Stevens/Carlino eternal bond. Nine + hours with a 6 foot female volleyball players knees in my back and my legs curled up on the wheel thingy on the plane and we were there.
We landed in Khabarovsk, got our bags and on the way to our apartments we found out that ANOTHER new law was going into effect and we needed to hurry to the hospital to have medicals completed for court the next morning. Ah, we dropped off our bags, changed clothes and headed out for an interesting afternoon of "medicals" - really they should just call it multiple breast exams (sorry guys, it's true). Then some food, off to see the babies - what a moment - that was just the best hug and she was not gonna let go for a second. Finally rest... I could not stay awake another minute, but we had to be down to meet with Anna for our pre-court prep at 8 then, back to sleep - who could sleep? We were going to be parents in a little more than 12 hours!
The morning of court. I was pretty calm, until we got in the van, then I had nerves head to toe. Again, reminding myself to breathe. The Carlino's went a 1/2 hour before us, and so we were going alone. We got to the courthouse and I was so excited. Then the elevator opened and I saw Kathy's face - uh oh, it didn't go well. Paperwork mess up and lots of stress to be had over the next few days. There go those nerves again, did they mess up our paperwork, will some family member come out of the woodwork. I took a deep breath and got on the elevator with assurances that everything would be fine. Twenty five minutes later...
It wasn't fine - it was AMAZING!!!!! I was a mom, Ryan was a dad -we were PARENTS!!!!!! After years of waiting and agony, our lives were forever changed.
I knew I wasn't supposed to cry in court, but come on. I was a blubbering mess when the judge read that decree. I tried did my best to ensure it at least wasn't my ugly cry, but not sure I managed that.
We left the courthouse high on life. Headed back to the apartment to change and pack a bag (just in case they let us bring her home then), went for some lunch to celebrate/commiserate each of our court hearings, and then off to the baby home to see OUR daughter.
She came in and we played a bit, then Eugene asked what we wanted to do - well take her home of course - so he went to ask. They said YES! We talked with her Dr., changed her clothes, hugged goodbye and walked out the door to our new life.
The next days and weeks were a blur of amazingness, stressfulness, sleeplessness, and bonding.
The Carlino's after a week of hell on earth had a great hearing on Friday and became parents to the Fabulous Miss T - Avery's BFF - and we had a great time hanging out in Khabarovsk, eating strange market food, and getting to know our girls.
We didn't make it home until October 17th and by then I was drained - the trip was emotional and horrible, but yet somehow happier than I had ever been.
Since that day, September 27th, 2005, my world has never been the same. My bad days aren't as bad. My happy days are far happier. I laugh and see the joy in the little things. All because of Avery. She's my light and my world. god sure knew what He was doing putting her in our lives, and I am so thankful He chose me to be her mommy.


And that's how my life changed with just 1 phone call.

Discouraged!

This is mainly a personal vent, so feel free to ignore...

I am discouraged, frustrated and confused. Our alone time last weekend, while wonderful and needed, didn't bring resolution to our decision about adopting the kidlets.
Not only was no decision made, but a slew of new questions and possibilities were brought to the table. It is all so overwhelming and there is no clear direction.
How do you reconcile your dreams with your reality? We took a leap of faith and started down MY dream path 2 years ago, only to have it blow up in our faces.
Since then we have been changing gears and spinning our wheels trying to get somewhere, not knowing if we really loved the destination.
I want my old road. I want Russia. I want the excitement of waiting for our referral, the overflowing emotion of hearing footsteps coming down a hall and seeing that face for the first time. I want to have the in country time to bond alone away from everyone else and become a family.

Maybe I am just being nostalgic, because we are coming up on our Gotcha Day. I don't know, but my heart is hopeful.

Ryan is hoping for another path, that I am not too sure about. It could be good, but I don't KNOW it like I KNOW Russia.

And all of this leaves us still uncertain about how 3 little kids asleep in their beds upstairs "fit".

So until we know, we'll just keep trying to find that missing piece to our puzzle.

Ahhh, Relaxation!

So Friday night was the 1st time Ryan and I spent a night away in nearly 4 years. Since we became parents on September 27, 2005, we have only gone away individually or as a family. It was long overdue and exactly what I needed.
We had a nice time doing absolutely nothing. Ok, so we did go to dinner and stopped at the new outlet mall on the way home, but other than that we camped out in our room, ordered room service and relaxed.
I can honestly say I didn't miss the kids. So maybe that means that next time we stay away longer. Absence makes the heart grow fonder, right?
We however were terribly missed, and greeted with hugs and kisses. The kids had a great time with Grandpa and Grandma, so all my fears of backlash were unwarranted.