The Highs and Lows

Since Ryan and I started trying to build our family all too long ago it has been a series of highs and lows. It seems this phase of life is no exception. Foster care seems to be the pinnacle of the emotional rollercoaster.
In the last few months we've had the possible arrival of 2 children that didn't come. We've said goodbye to a little one whom we had in our home for over 5 months. And now we have yet another possibility of 2 more children's arrival in the coming week.
It's a lot to process. As an adult I often get caught up in the emotion. For my child, well it can be rough. Really rough.
This past week one of our former foster kiddos celebrated a birthday. She was at the forefront of our minds and she along with her siblings have been the topic of our conversations a lot this week. It's hard to miss them. It's hard to know your place once they move on. To stay involved and yet not overstep. To let them heal with their new family, but to let them know they still hold a place in your heart. Tricky stuff.
So this week we wait, we prepare, we pray, and we hope for what might be. In the next breath we mourn the loss, we grieve for the hurt and pain that brings children to our home, and we pray that we will be equipped to handle it all.

Waiting for a Placement

It's official, we're done with the licensing process! Our completed homestudy was turned in last week. I am excited to see what is coming our way in the new year. We are waiting for that call, and secretly (ok, maybe not so secretly) hoping for a newborn. I just know that it would be the best fit for us right now. And it doesn't hurt that it is something that I have never got to experience, so that would be an added bonus for me. It makes me sad though to think that people neglect and hurt their kids. I don't like that in order for us to grow our family our child has to endure loss and suffering. Not ideal. Still I know God can bring beauty from ashes and will work through our journey.

In preparation for adding kids to our home I have been doing some nesting of sorts. I had a baking stint during the holidays. My waistline begged me to let that go, so I started Craftmania. I made lots of Christmas gifts and am starting a couple projects for the house. I've been doing things like polish the furniture and iron my curtains, again. Yes, I am trying to keep busy and occupy my mind.
The other thing I am working on is more practical. With our homeschool schedule I normally walk Avery through her work. Now that she is reading more I decided it was time to let her try some independant study. I was nervous, because before Christmas break she was still throwing her books in frustration. Imagine my surprise when she embraced the idea and now just needs me to explain new concepts and check her work! I hear a hallelujah chorus ringing! Now to keep up the momentum.

Speaking of Avery, I know I haven't added pictures in awhile. I promise to overwhelm you with cuteness in my next post. I just need to upload all the fall and winter pictures. So until then... unless I get a call for a placement that is.

Not My Finest Hour

I find myself back in a stage that brings out the ugly in me. It's a place called waiting. This 4 letter world called wait is probably the hardest thing for me. Contrary to popular belief I am not a very patient person. I don't handle waiting with grace. Far from it actually.
We have completed our classes, I turned in all of our paperwork, and our medical evalations are scheduled for next week along with our CPR class. So here I sit, with idle hands that are desperately trying to find something to keep my mind off of that terrible state of being, the waiting. I guess I could shop for baby gates, but that is the last purchase that I may need. And it isn't much for occupying my brain.

The thing that is occupying my time is something that as of late I have equal concern regarding my ability to handle it with grace. That would be homeschooling. Avery is a perfectionist (I have no idea where she acquired this :0) and she is starting to get into some harder concepts, the downfall of this is that now, she HATES school work. She absolutely shuts down and refuses to try for fear of potential "failure". Over the past 2 weeks I have found that I wake up each day with dread. I know that the homeschool setting is what Avery needs right now, but I also think that my frustration and lack of ideas for beaking down this wall she has are doing a disservice to her. The last thing I want is for her to hate learning. I want to foster her creativity and instill a love for knowledge. Right now I feel like I am squashing her spirit and I need to reevaluate my method.

Homeschooling, Happenings, and Hope

I feel like my days are a whirlwind since school has started. We got off to a great start. I felt so organized and sure of myself this year. Avery was tackling her work like a champ. She just grasps things so quickly and effortlessly that teaching her seems like I am not doing anything. That is until we had to count by 2's. I don't know what it is - counting by 10's no problem, 5's a little more effort, but still got it day 1. These 2's, well it has become a stress for me. So much so that today I decided to put away the books and try something new. and wouldn't you know it, as soon as she was counting money that she could keep if counted correctly, she's got it! I feel like this was as much of a lesson for me as is was for her.
How many times as parents do we keep trying to get our children to do things our way at our pace, rather than us being the ones to take a step back and make the change in ourselves that will help our children succeed. Yes, I needed that lesson!

Aside from school and all that brings to our schedule we are trying to enjoy the fall and all the festivites that has to offer. Did I mention how much I love our new town? 'Cuz I do! We just have so much to keep us busy. Avery and I spent a beautiful day at the zoo getting some real one on one attention while we learned about the sharks and the mules. And had a nice time on our own following up to our Bible lessons where we are seeing the beauty of God's creatures and how their traits can be reflected in our lives. We've also had some fun field trips with our homeschool co-op. I am so thankful to have found a group that fits us to a T.

As for the hope... well we are back in the foster groove. No, we aren't licensed yet, but we are rolling along. We've completed 2 of the 3 classes that we have to do. We are working to schedule our CPR training and our medical evaluations will be done the first week of November. After that we will have our homestudy completed and then see who God brings into our home. This time around we are taking a very different approach. Rather than expecting to adopt, we are going into this with the intent to foster and if God brings us a child that fits our family and needs a permanent home, then that is great. If not, well then god has a different plan for us and that is fine too. I needed to let go of the reigns and trust that God's will is bigger and better than my own. We hope to have our license by Christmas, but we know that isn't in our hands either. be praying that things go smoothly and we can get done all the things that are our responsibility without setbacks.

I have set up a blog to follow our foster journey. If any of you are interested in that, let me know and I will get you the link. I am trying to keep it seperate and more discreet to protect ourselves and kids we may have in care.