Deciding to Adopt
In 2003, after years of heartache trying to build our family biologically, we made the decision to adopt. It became more about being parents than seeing what our DNA could produce.
We chose an agency and a country, but soon we realized that the country we chose wasn't a good fit. It was highly unlikely that we'd adopt 2 children of relatively young age, so we looked at other options. Russia seemed to fit the bill. I had originally passed on Russia, because I desired to go somewhere that others maybe weren't thinking of, to adopt a child that has less likelihood of finding a family. But God had other plans.
Getting Started
On May 28, 2004 we submitted our application to an agency in Florida. The next day we had an overnighted package with a referral. Immediately we said yes! It was twin girls who just seemed like a perfect fit. Due to things beyond our control we had to let that referral go. It was heartwrenching. We called our agency on June 4, 2004 to let them know of our decision. Little did we know that on that very day our daughter was born. It was 3 more months before we learned about our sweet little Inna. Her referral came on September 28, 2004 and while we were smitten with this tiny baby who smiled through her eyes, we were guarded. Losing a referral does that to you. It took a few days for us to pray and decide that yes, this was our baby.
Getting Ready to Travel
Once we accepted the referral we stared looking forward to our first trip. We expected it would happen quickly, because Russia shuts down for the holidays and knew that December wasn't going to be an option. Imagine our disappointment when in November we got our travel dates for January. We were to leave January 9th and meet Inna for the first time on January 11th. Not exactly what we hoped for, but at least we had something to look forward to and time to pack. I was packed by Christmas and on January 4th I got a call that rocked our world. Russia had implemented a new law and we had a decision to make. We could travel and risk it not counting and needing to make 3 trips, or we could wait until Inna was going to be off the registry with the new timeline. As much as I wanted to throw caution to the wind and go, I knew we couldn't afford 3 trips, so we waited. We also had to decide if we would let the referral go for a child who was available then or wait for our baby. I can't say that decision was easy. We agonized over it for weeks. But everytime I looked at that picture I just couldn't let her go. She was ours and I had to trust that.
We didn't get approval to travel until April. We left April 30th and were able to visit Inna on May 3,4, and 5th. On this trip we signed our petition to adopt and to change her name to Avery Ryan. She was starting to feel like ours.
Waiting
Getting on a plane and leaving my baby behind was the single hardest thing I have done in my life. Knowing that Khabarovsk was known for long wait times made it all the more unbearable.
May came and went with ease. June was hard, but good. We celebrated Avery's first birthday with her first baby shower, but being away from her on that day was sad. In July we finished her nursery and drove our case worker crazy with phone calls "have you heard anything". August brought Hurricane Katrina and our own personal devastation. The judge would not accept our homestudy. Apparently it is common in Ohio to issue a letter of good standing for agencies whose licenses our up for annual review. (which is what our homestudy agent provided us) I was frantic, calling congressmen, the State Department and anyone who'd listen. The news wasn't good. I was informed that they would actually not be re-issuing her license and I would have to find a new agency, because she was fraudulent. What? She just charged me for an update the week before. Not happy! I needed that new homestudy fast since the judge wanted to schedule our court date. I called my fabulous friend and she referred me to her fabulous agency. They were at my house the next day and the following week the homestudy was in my hot little hand. I drove all over the state one day getting that homestudy apostilled, certified and overnighted to my agency. And then I waited some more. On a Monday morning in late September I got a call - "You need to leave for Russia on Thursday. Court is September 27." I couldn't believe it. We were finally going. I called our wonderful travel agent and she booked our flights, then rebooked, and rebooked again. You see we had to keep being redirected, because a certain Hurricane named Rita was impeding our path to leave the country.
Back to Russia
It was the night before we left. The plans were made and no more changes were to come. Our bags were packed and I was going to get my baby, finally! The trip this time was long and horrible. We had a 5 hour layover in NYC, thankfully some friends my us for lunch. I had to stand for 7.5 hours in the waiting area at the Domodedevo airport, because there wasn't enough seating. And I flew the entire 9+ hours to Khabarovsk with a 6ft volleyball players legs in my back while I was hunched over the wheel-well. Not fun folks, but sooo worth it... I was going to see my baby.
We, along with our new friends, the Carlinos, landed safely in Khabarovsk and found our translator. The guys went with our driver to get the bags and we waited. As we left the airport Natasha shared some news with us that was very unexpected. During our wait Russia had experienced a lot of controversy surrounding international adoption and they were once again revamping laws. On Monday a new law was going into effect. They were going to now require the medicals to be done by 8 doctors (specialists) and since court was Tuesday, that meant that we had to comply. I really wasn't expecting this. What would this mean for our adoptions. Natasha explained that Tatiana our facilitator had already gone to the hospital to get us "appointments" and we were to go change clothes and head to the hospital to get these medicals done. Can you say whirlwind.
We arrived at the hospital and were able to be ushered to the front of each line, because Tatiana had been waiting for us. I'm sure there were many Russians upset with us that day. The medicals were uneventful for Ryan and I and soon we were finished and had 8 slips of paper saying we were normal on all counts.
We saw Avery the day before court, it's required, but you couldn't have kept me away. She was walking by then. I heard her little tiptoe-stomp coming all the way down the hall and I knew it was my girl. She rounded the corner and our meeting was far different this time. She wasn't scared or teary, she came right up and squeezed my neck like I have never been hugged before. That was a moment forever etched in my brain. We spent some time playing and then went back to the apartment to rest and meet with Anna who would be our "attorney" of sorts. She also worked at our apartment, so meeting with her was easy. She explained what we were to do in court and the questions we'd be asked. I didn't think we'd sleep, but by this point we were exhausted.
The day of court was beautiful! I tried to take it all in. I didn't even mind having to use the hole in the floor potty in the courthouse. Nothing was ruining my day, that is until the elevator door opened and 2 people in tears came out. Our friends court didn't go well. It's their story, so I won't share it, but something had been neglected and they had obstacles to overcome and court had to be rescheduled for Friday. We were next. Ok, to be honest, that made me a little more than nervous. I was sweating, not just because it was 100 degrees in the building either. Court for us though went smoothly. We answered all the questions that were asked, and within 20 minutes we were parents. I know I shouldn't have, but I cried while the judge read the decree, and then so did everyone else, even the prosecutor. It was a great moment!
Bringing Home Baby
The 10 day waiting period wasn't waived, so we weren't sure when we'd get to bring Avery back to the apartment, but we knew we wanted to see her. We went to our apartment and changed, got her bag, just in case and headed to the baby home. Avery came in wearing a sweet little dress and tights with numbers written in marker down the leg. It looked like a prison #. I said a little prayer right then that we'd get to take her, our baby was no longer a number. We played a bit and then Eugene (our translator/facilitator for the day) asked what our plan was, when did we want her? Um, now please! he said he'd see what he could do. ten minutes later he came back with the doctor and director. They went over her routine and diet. And then they gave us permission to take her with us that day. I actually let out a little "woohoo". We changed Avery into her very own clothes. And with lots of hugs, pictures, and tears, we said goodbye to baby home #2.
Our New Life as Three
That day was a fresh start for all of us. We saw our daughter blossom right before our eyes in those first weeks in Russia, but there was also lots of healing still to come. Avery takes life head on. She is an explorer at heart. But she also has a deep rooted fear and insecurity of being alone. It took a long time for her to be comfotable with anyone but me, including Ryan. This didn't happen until long after we were home from Russia. Still those early days were special. We not only got to know each other and experience new things as one, but we also got the opportunity to fall in love with our daughter's birth country.
If you want to read more about our trips or our life since we brought home Avery, check out the archives.
Trying to Learn Piano, AGAIN!
5 days ago