Disruption

I've been thinking alot about this word lately. In the adoption and foster care world this word has significant meaning and serious ramifications.

I found this definition of disruption:

1. To throw into confusion or disorder
2. To interrupt or impede the progress, movement, or procedure of...
3. To break or burst; rupture.

The first definition is what I have been dealing with lately. The day after Mystery Boy left we were joined by 2 brothers. Since that moment our home has been thrown into a state of confusion and disorder. Not in the physical sense, although there has been some of that, but we are in emotional disorder. We are dealing with one child who is confused and unable to understand his situation and is extremely angry as a result. That anger then translates to those arround and we have complete chaos.
The second definition is the cause of the disorder. There have been too many instances when the interruption and forward movement of this child's development and forming attachments has been impeded.
The third, well that is what we are experiencing now. We had to make the decision to break the relationship and have the kids moved to another home where their needs could be better met. In some ways I feel like I have failed them. But had we not made this decision we would have failed the child we have committed to for life. Her needs had to be our number one priority. Because of the experiences that have shaped her, she isn't yet able to handle the particular issues we are dealing with.
So yet again, a child who is craving love and stability on one hand and fighting it with every ounce of their being on the other, because it is so foreign to them, will find themselves in another new home with new people to try to reach his heart and heal the brokenness.

I've really struggled with this decision, because we knew that making it would be adding to the damage in a child's life. I'm sure some people will think we are just horrible, and believe me when I say that we feel horrible. But we do have peace that this is the right thing for Avery. And we will continue to pray that the right home will be found and this will also be the right thing for these boys as well.
This is something we never fathomed that we would do as foster parents. We are open to nearly all behaviors and have experienced many of them in the past. I think for awhile we are going to be very cautious about the children we accept. There needs to be some healing time for Avery, since she was very affected by what we are dealing with right now.

For today we are going to try and focus on the positive and enjoy any good moments that remain with these 2 little boys.

But disruption... disruption hurts, disruption scars, disruption I hope will heal!