Sleep, Sleep, WHY won't She Sleep???

Five years when we were in Russia we were told Avery was a great sleeper. Maybe she was, but I certainly haven't seen that beautiful picture of rest and peace. Nope, not my girl.
From night 1 she was petrified. She literally clung to my chest like a spider monkey. God forbid I move or she woke up. When she'd wake up she'd grapple at my head like she was escaping a fire. I used to say that if she wanted to get any closer to me she'd have to crawl inside my skin.
We recognized the fear (how could you not) and did all we could to try to foster good sleep habits and provide the closeness she needed.
Once we were home we started out putting her in her crib with me sleeping with my arm inside holding her hand. I gradually tried moving out, but it increased her fear and we ended up co-sleeping. Something I NEVER wanted to do. Hello, Ryan is a big guy and she was tiny. We did the co-sleeping thing for a long, long time. She was about 2 1/2 when we decided to reclaim our bed. We did a modified Ferber method and within a couple nights she was successfully staying in her room. Then came the high stress inability to go to sleep a few months later. Melatonin became our friend and she again slept well. It was great! She woke a few times a night but went right back to bed as usual.
Then I went to Guatemala. I never thought in a million years that my enabler husband would have caved as quickly as he did. He abandoned our room and slept with DD in the guest bed. Thinking that she'd go back to the regular routine when I came home. Oooohhhh Nooooo! They continued this for about a year or more. So you'd think I got to sleep through the night at least... nope! Ryan sleeps like a LOG. So when Avery woke to potty or have a bad dream I was the one to take her, calm her and TRY to get her back to sleep.
Finally we set up a mattress on the floor of our room. Ryan and I got to share a room again. Avery was close enough to reach up of she needed contact and yes, I still was getting up with her at least once a night.
Our foster kids came and we played musical beds and did all we could to keep Avery quiet and appeased. I began to doubt my ability in getting a child to sleep through the night, because the girls slept great from day 1 and the baby.... well he seemed to channel Avery's sleep pattern and I played a game of walking on egg shells trying to keep one from waking the other. The kids left and I still had a nearly 6 year old who still couldn't sleep through the night.
Ryan was already in Indy, so I took advantage of it and got Avery in a great routine. She was calm and in bed on time, asleep in minutes and sleeping through the night (or getting up on her own and going back to bed). It was the best sleep I had in YEARS! It lasted all of 10 days.
We got to Indy and things are worse than EVER. It is blood curdling screams, sleeping on our floor, falling asleep in the living room floor because she can't bear to be in her room. Waking at the slightest noise. I understand new spaces, but we have been here for more than 3 months now. She is comfortable in her surroundings. We've tried night lights, sound machines, dream spray, sleeping with mommy's special things... and the list goes on.
This is exhausting. I have not slept through the night more than a handful of times in FIVE YEARS. I know this is an area she needs my patience and understanding, but I am ready to scream! I need sleep! I need to have a moment to myself after a long day of dealing with outburts and meltdowns. I need a miracle here! My daughter is scared and wounded. I am frustrated and tired. There are no tools left in my arsenal and I am ready to throw in the towel and accept that I'll have to accompany my daughter on her honeymoon because she can't sleep without me.

The Weekend in Pictures

We took a little time this weekend to explore downtown. I absolutely love downtown!

Organic Living

We have always tried to be aware of what we were eating and go for the more whole food/organic options. It seems though when we had our foster kids that our on the go way of life inched out some of that to a "easy food" mentality that doesn't serve us well.
In my efforts to regain control of our health I have committed to junking the junk! Today will be my first grocery day where I will not be buying anything non-organic, no coloring, no added sugar and so on. It will be an adjustment for some of us (hm, hm Ryan!) but it is long overdue.
I hope that we will start seeing some improvements and this will be an easy way of life for us, rather than a chore.
I've started baking bread and doing more things from scratch and my formerly domestic-fobic personality is fading away. Maybe it is being surrounded by cornfields and the country life, but I find myself embracing things that are totally foreign to my city girl heart.

In other news Avery completed another session of swim lessons. With fall approaching we are deciding what the next endeavor will be. It seems we may keep up with swimming and maybe work toward team for next year. In addition to that she is deciding between Karate and Figure Skating. Maybe we'll do both and she what she loves, but she'll have to do 1 at a time, or this mommy will turn into a Taxi.

Our Family Day (aka. adoption anniversary) is coming up next month. It seems unreal that Avery will have been our daughter for only 5 years. I find that I rarely think of the first year we missed. We are trying to decide how we want to celebrate this special occasion. I think we have decided to get her first AG doll and take her to the cafe in Chicago for dinner. We are tossing around a few other ideas, since I kinda wanted to save the doll for Christmas. The other options seem like a let down to me, but she wouldn't know the difference. And they really are things she loves and rarely gets to indulge in.

Gotta go, someone is begging me to help her make a calendar. Mommy's work is never done.

School Days are Coming!

I am so excited today. Our curriculum for this year arrived and I got to look over all of our stuff. Now if you remember how trepidacious I was last year about homeschooling, my excitement might come as a shock. It did for me. Honestly in the spring I had reservations about homeschooling again, but after weighing our options it really is the best fit for us this year. We'll take each year as they come. I think I now have a good grasp on Avery's learning style and my expectations. We are going to have lots of fun this go 'round.
Now when everything arrived I wasn't sure I ordered the right level. It looks like 2nd grade may have been a better fit, but that just means less pressure. I don't want her getting too far ahead, should we put her in a classical school setting at some point. And I still have reservations about her reading ability (disability?) that I want to monitor closely. So school is just a month away and I will be ready this time!

Swim lessons are going so well. She has a new instructor this time and he says she is progressing well. I think she might get her back-stroke down this session. We have 3 classes left.
After swim lessons we'll pick up something new for the fall - maybe gymnastics again, or ballet, I am not sure what she'll decide on.

I am excited for the fall and all it will bring. Although I love summer, I look forward to the leaves changing, hayride, pumpkins, and being outdoors even more.