Moving On and Moving Out

This week I had to say goodbye to the first and so far only baby I've ever got to bring home from the hospital. It was emotional to say the least. I know she is in a great place and I know she will be loved beyond measure, but why not me? Yes it was our choice to not be her forever family, but really it was God's choice. I keep wondering why we've been at this foster care thing, just hoping to adopt, yet no one "sticks". And here the one kid who was a guaranteed as guaranteed can be with foster care wasn't "the one". God what do you have planned? I'd love to know. I honestly know it's going to be perfect and exactly what I need, but I'm beginning to tap my foot with impatience. Lord, help me wait on You!!

I guess in the great scheme of things it's good that she moved when she did. We've decided our little rental is too small for our ever fluctuating brood, and we've found a new place. Albeit another temporary place... (until we BUILD!! or find house perfection) So now I am starting to pack and plan with only 3 kids in tow. Not too bad. Last time around I had 4 and a MIA hubby who had already come to the land of the cornfields for work.
New house means shopping and decorating, so that makes me happy. I might be posting lots of pictures soon for house ideas. So be prepared!

Some Things I'll Never Understand

This past month has been just plain unpredictable and chaotic. We've had some great moments, but I have to say seeing January pass by leaves me relieved and ready for a new day!

Ryan and I both had birthdays and for the first time in a long time we got a night out with NO KIDS! It was nice, strange, but nice! I think we need to do that more.

My big girl had a hard time this month. Living away from family really takes a toll on her. Christmas and spending a few days with family brought up all those sad/mad feelings and it took a few weeks to get her in check. I so wish I could make things better for her on many levels, but she has to want to let go of her anger and to be honest, she just doesn't want to. Breaks my mommy heart!

We still have our 3 little people. Same ones... can you believe it? Lots of changes happening there. we've had visits with bios, no visits, back to visits, 1 with visits - 2 without, and now we are close to no visits. It will definately lighten my load, but I find myself getting frustrated at the lack of effort some parents are making to see or regain custody of their child. I will NEVER understand not choosing to jump through whatever hoop is put before me or not taking every opportunity to spend even a second holding my child. I try my best to empathize. They are coming from a very different place - one that seems hopeless. And sometimes so caught up in other things that they don't even see the skewed priorities, so I don't judge, but I also can't truly understand.
Less visits has lightened the load and that is a good thing, because we are now adding 3 therapy appointments to the week. OT and PT are on the roster for some of our little bits. And we some important doctors appointments coming up that I'd appreciate prayers for.
We are also praying about what happens if these kids don't get to go back to their parents. Lots to consider and we really are needing things to move in just the right way. Sorry for the cryptic-ness, but some things you know I just can't share.

Last weekend we had a nice weekend away - minus 2 babies who had a great time with friends. We joined another family and had some fun at the Great Wolf Lodge. It's been awhile since we'd been there. This time Pooka Girlie was able to ride anything she wanted. She had a blast! So did the rest of us, even though Ryan says he's old now and couldn't ride the slides because of his back. He got toddler duty!

The big thing on our horizon is our house hunt. With 4 kids (and possibly getting ready to open up for another... shhh!) we are quickly running out of space. I swear I feel like I am drowning in laundry and I do it EVERY day. We need space to spread out and not trip over baby gear and toddler toys. Not to mention homeschooling materials and Littlest Pet Shop. My organizational freak side want to purge it all or buy stock in Rubbermaid and box it all up, but it's all "needed" stuff, so I fight the urge and say let's MOVE!

No Room at the Inn

Well technically there is room, but with the crew we have now I am presonally at capacity. At least until we have a schedule and some organization going on here.

After Thanksgiving we came off our short little hold and within hours were placed with another kiddo. He went home in just a few days and we were back to our 2 girls, the Pookster and a little bitty we will call Ladybug.
December kicked off with a call for another baby, a newborn that I needed to pick up from the hospital. Who can say no to that? Not me! See, I've never done that before. Ladybug at 7 weeks was the youngest we'd parented. So as a girl who has lived with infertility and let those dreams die a long time ago I was like a kid in a candy store. It was a dream come true.
We (ok, I, because my other half was on kid duty) picked TeenyBean up a couple days later when she was discharged. I'd never been so nervous. The name Teeny is not for no good reason - she is TINY! I was so afraid that she'd stop breathing or something in that carseat in the back of my SUV. It was the longest 20 minute drive of my life. But I did it, I got to be the one to bring a little one to the first home they'll know. It was awesome!

So if you are keeping count we now have 3 girls. Current ages are 4 weeks, 3 months, and 7 years. And let's not forget our 1 yr. old boy who is here more than not and rounds things out to make the total 4 kids and 2 parents. We are seriously out numbered and only 1 kid is walking. Makes outings really interesting and oh the comments I get. Some would leave you on the floor in laughter.

My girl is in heaven! She now has TWO life size dolls to dress up and play with. They are HER babies. My guy thinks they are fun too. He tries to climb in the swing with them or under the play gym and bat toys at their heads. Good times! The husband is learning that it's not so scary to hold a 5 lb. baby and no he won't break her. And now that there is no... gasp, umbilical cord... he will even help change all the babies diapers.
Me, I am holding up. Sleep deprivation has reached a whole new level. I have 2 that sometimes sleep through the night, but not 1 does it consistantly. There are however no bags under my eyes yet, this I know for sure - a random woman at an appointment checked and told me so. (rolling my bagless eyes) I wash about 17 bottles a day and change double that amount of diapers. It now takes me 4 trips to load the car. And 2 strollers or some other odd configuration of apparatus to go anywhere. But I'm doing it. Ain't nothing gonna break my stride! Nobody gonna slow me down, oh no! I got to keep on moving... come on you know you wanna sing with me. ;)

So there you have it. The reason why I've so terribly neglected my blog. The reason for more grey hairs on the top of my head and no time to have them colored. And unless I lose all reason and decide I can take on another or two, this house is full. My baby tank is all filled up! Let's be serious here it's overflowing!

Until my next "free" moment... (that I don't want to spend in a sleep coma)