New Discoveries

Over the last week and a half our lives have been transformed into a new form of normal. We got our new little guy which was a relatively easy adjustment, and then we had several days of houseguests. I was amazed at how smooth it all went.
To think back at how tightly wound I was when our 3 came. And to be honest, even when we brought Avery home. I spent a much longer period of time trying to just find a manageable routine and settle in. With this little one I can see how much I have grown and changed. I'm not fighting for control of every little thing. We are just living and enjoying the moment. Ah, could that be contentment? The unattainable rung that I never could seem to quite grasp. I think I get it now, finally. (um, I'm sure I will lose sight of it, but not for good ever again) Yes, I spent a few days trying to get organized and stay a step ahead, but I wasn't stressed. I knew it was all going to be ok.
The other thing that I noticed is how much stronger I am emotionally. Little Man is our first newborn-ish baby. I thought for sure I'd be a wreck trying to hold on to him and be maybe resentful of his parents. When we took our classes this time I felt more confident, but still I wasn't sure I could trust that. He had his first visit, and now his second visit and while I adore him to pieces I just know that I want his parent to get it together and get him back. I can see with certainty that where we fall short, the Lord fills the gap. He must be standing there for me now.
So for those of you who wonder "will he stay? will he go?" the answer is we don't know. He'll be here for at least a little while, but the plan is, the hope is that he will get the chance to go home and be loved by the mommy who brought him into this world. Until that happens we will just enjoy this comfortable new normal.