No Room at the Inn

Well technically there is room, but with the crew we have now I am presonally at capacity. At least until we have a schedule and some organization going on here.

After Thanksgiving we came off our short little hold and within hours were placed with another kiddo. He went home in just a few days and we were back to our 2 girls, the Pookster and a little bitty we will call Ladybug.
December kicked off with a call for another baby, a newborn that I needed to pick up from the hospital. Who can say no to that? Not me! See, I've never done that before. Ladybug at 7 weeks was the youngest we'd parented. So as a girl who has lived with infertility and let those dreams die a long time ago I was like a kid in a candy store. It was a dream come true.
We (ok, I, because my other half was on kid duty) picked TeenyBean up a couple days later when she was discharged. I'd never been so nervous. The name Teeny is not for no good reason - she is TINY! I was so afraid that she'd stop breathing or something in that carseat in the back of my SUV. It was the longest 20 minute drive of my life. But I did it, I got to be the one to bring a little one to the first home they'll know. It was awesome!

So if you are keeping count we now have 3 girls. Current ages are 4 weeks, 3 months, and 7 years. And let's not forget our 1 yr. old boy who is here more than not and rounds things out to make the total 4 kids and 2 parents. We are seriously out numbered and only 1 kid is walking. Makes outings really interesting and oh the comments I get. Some would leave you on the floor in laughter.

My girl is in heaven! She now has TWO life size dolls to dress up and play with. They are HER babies. My guy thinks they are fun too. He tries to climb in the swing with them or under the play gym and bat toys at their heads. Good times! The husband is learning that it's not so scary to hold a 5 lb. baby and no he won't break her. And now that there is no... gasp, umbilical cord... he will even help change all the babies diapers.
Me, I am holding up. Sleep deprivation has reached a whole new level. I have 2 that sometimes sleep through the night, but not 1 does it consistantly. There are however no bags under my eyes yet, this I know for sure - a random woman at an appointment checked and told me so. (rolling my bagless eyes) I wash about 17 bottles a day and change double that amount of diapers. It now takes me 4 trips to load the car. And 2 strollers or some other odd configuration of apparatus to go anywhere. But I'm doing it. Ain't nothing gonna break my stride! Nobody gonna slow me down, oh no! I got to keep on moving... come on you know you wanna sing with me. ;)

So there you have it. The reason why I've so terribly neglected my blog. The reason for more grey hairs on the top of my head and no time to have them colored. And unless I lose all reason and decide I can take on another or two, this house is full. My baby tank is all filled up! Let's be serious here it's overflowing!

Until my next "free" moment... (that I don't want to spend in a sleep coma)

Lifetime Movie or My Life

Lately I've found it hard to look at my life and not wonder... how? why? when? Is this really my life. Well it is. All the drama filled craziness that the kids who join my home have or are experiencing in their family somehow becomes part of what I live.
If only I could share the stories and experiences that I witness on an ongoing basis. Well, some of it would make you shudder. It sure does me! But, thankfully within all of that crazy there is hope.
Jeremiah 29:11 to paraphrase says, that the Lord already has plans for us. Ones not of harm, but of hope and a future. I cling to this verse and pray that the introduction to the Lord that kids recieve in our home will stick with them and they might experience that bright future. If not here on earth, then in eternity with Christ.

Yes, things here have been interesting to say the least these past few weeks. We said goodbye to the brothers. Hello to Diva Baby. And then had some temporary visitors share a few days with us. Our home has been full and we feel blessed by each one.

We had the opportunity to celebrate Thanksgiving with our families and it was a great time. I think we've found a new Black Friday tradition. I might have to give up my shopping day for this one, but it's worth it.
Now we are gearing up for Christmas and with the late start I'm getting this year I am going to be doing most of my shopping online. Thank God for Fed Ex and the internet!

I hope that each of you have an amazing holiday season. Hug your families tight and soak in each moment. I know that is what I plan to do this year!

Disruption

I've been thinking alot about this word lately. In the adoption and foster care world this word has significant meaning and serious ramifications.

I found this definition of disruption:

1. To throw into confusion or disorder
2. To interrupt or impede the progress, movement, or procedure of...
3. To break or burst; rupture.

The first definition is what I have been dealing with lately. The day after Mystery Boy left we were joined by 2 brothers. Since that moment our home has been thrown into a state of confusion and disorder. Not in the physical sense, although there has been some of that, but we are in emotional disorder. We are dealing with one child who is confused and unable to understand his situation and is extremely angry as a result. That anger then translates to those arround and we have complete chaos.
The second definition is the cause of the disorder. There have been too many instances when the interruption and forward movement of this child's development and forming attachments has been impeded.
The third, well that is what we are experiencing now. We had to make the decision to break the relationship and have the kids moved to another home where their needs could be better met. In some ways I feel like I have failed them. But had we not made this decision we would have failed the child we have committed to for life. Her needs had to be our number one priority. Because of the experiences that have shaped her, she isn't yet able to handle the particular issues we are dealing with.
So yet again, a child who is craving love and stability on one hand and fighting it with every ounce of their being on the other, because it is so foreign to them, will find themselves in another new home with new people to try to reach his heart and heal the brokenness.

I've really struggled with this decision, because we knew that making it would be adding to the damage in a child's life. I'm sure some people will think we are just horrible, and believe me when I say that we feel horrible. But we do have peace that this is the right thing for Avery. And we will continue to pray that the right home will be found and this will also be the right thing for these boys as well.
This is something we never fathomed that we would do as foster parents. We are open to nearly all behaviors and have experienced many of them in the past. I think for awhile we are going to be very cautious about the children we accept. There needs to be some healing time for Avery, since she was very affected by what we are dealing with right now.

For today we are going to try and focus on the positive and enjoy any good moments that remain with these 2 little boys.

But disruption... disruption hurts, disruption scars, disruption I hope will heal!